The Unfortunate Film Review

Before I get started, I want to preface this with a few things. What follows is my own subjective interpretation on the subtext of 2 movies by the fantastic filmmaker, Robert Eggers: 2015's "The Witch" and 2019's "The Lighthouse".  In this first blog, I’ll solely be covering “The Witch”.  I'm sure some of what I'm about to discuss or ramble about is accurate, though it’s more likely that some interpretations are purely my own or coincidental.  Still, I find reading these little explorations super delightful when I read them by other folks, and wanted to take the opportunity and put in the effort to write my own. It will definitely help if you’ve seen this movie and I would encourage any reader to go watch it before reading what follows (spoilers everywhere). The Witch - Growing Up a Girl Robert Eggers’ feature directorial debut was 2015’s “The Witch”, a film that not only has some of the greatest acting and editing talents I’ve ever seen in a movie

The PLOT: An American dancer joins a prestigious dance company in Berlin where strange things are afoot. The CAST: Tilda Swinton, Tilda Swinton, Tilda Swinton, Dakota Johnson The GOOD: Tilda Swinton. Let's just get that out of the way.  My wife and I went into this movie blind, and I'd encourage you to do the same if you have little/no familiarity with the original.  Beyond her performance, several elements of this movie contain technically perfect examples of the various facets of film: editing, lighting, acting, writing, dialogue, camera angles, plot, pacing, the actual dancing, the MUSIC (Thom Yorke kills it on this one). If I were a smarter man and capable of teaching, I would use this film as an example of how to take a rather mundane plot and turn it into something spectacular that can only truly be appreciated through a medium like film. The BAD: While Dakota Johnson definitely shines better than in other films she's been in, there are aspects of her performance t

The PLOT: The story of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, as told through the recounted ramblings of his nemesis, Antonio Salieri. The CAST:  F. Murray Abraham, Tom Hulce The GOOD:  Some stories can easily be told through simple narrative; an author conveying his own thoughts and feelings directly to you, in a simple and linear fashion, that conveys an exact idea.   Amadeus  doesn't do that, and the way in which it avoids doing that, is expertly executed.  While the film does a wonderful job of conveying the life and times of Mozart, it also puts the viewer in the shoes of someone who hates  the man.  It's almost as though Peter Shaffer (the writer) grew weary of hearing people say, "I LOVE  MOZART!", and so decided to portray him, not as a villain, but a gifted idiot in the eyes of a "more dignified musician", as Salieri believes himself to be.  From the disturbing opening sequence to the films frantic climax, you never quite feel right about any of the films m

The PLOT: Two hillbillies find themselves amidst a group of stereotypical college kids seeking fun in the woods, when a hilarious series of misunderstandings causes the perception of murderous inbred psychopaths and suicidal death cults.  The CAST: Alan Tudyk, Tyler Labine The GOOD: Mostly? Alan Tudyk... but I'm biased (Firefly rules). The comedy in this film played out in a style I haven't seen since a Mel Brooks film.  The humor is dark, but it's hard not to laugh when everything happens in these wonderfully written sequences.  I went into TnDvE thinking that it would be both predictable and juvenile, but I was pleasantly surprised by the slapstick comedy that was presented in a "non-Jim Carey" fashion.   The BAD: The primary antagonist should've been played by Chris Hemsworth. Small gripe, but there you have it.  The guy they got ruined that role and really took the fear out of the film.  Bigger guys are scarier than scrappy doo.  The UNFORTUNATE: I

The PLOT: The year is 2044, time travel will be invented in 30 years, and the mafia will control it and use it to send people they need whacked back in time 30 years where hitmen called "loopers" wait to punch large holes in the with high powered Blunderbusses... Er, Blunderbi? The CAST: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bruce Willis, Jeff Daniels The GOOD: Most of this movie.  I had to let it sink in for 2 days to be honest, but this film was so well directed with such a perfect plot that I struggle to think of many things that were terribly wrong with it.  The acting was amazing, especially on Gordon-Levitt's part, since he had to recreate a younger Bruce Willis while looking physically nothing like him and so being forced to wear prosthetic material which ALSO was quite well done. Shitty sentence structure? I digress. The jewel of this film is the story.  The subtle inclusion of important elements NOT present in any of the trailers made this film that much more enjoyable.  Dir

**Foreword: I am aware that in my last post, I said I'd be reviewing Star Wars.  I couldn't find the time or patience to embark on that escapade, so please enjoy this retroreview in the meantime. The PLOT: During the civil war era, a not-so-noble-as-everyone-thinks-he-is captain is stationed at a remote encampment whereupon he meets a survivor who tells a grisly tale with feigned remorse.... Then things get interesting. The CAST: Robert Carlyle, Guy Pearce, David Arquette, Jefferey Jones The GOOD:   This is a GREAT film for movie lovers to debate about, because I've heard that many people actually hate this movie.  The truth is the photography and music are so well integrated with the plot and acting that it's hard to think of many other films done quite so well.  And I'm not just talking about other horror films. I mean all films.  While the film might lull a bit in plot at points as well as be completely unbelievable, it does well enough to show cause th